Idiom
All's fair in love and war
All's fair in love and war means that in very competitive situations, like romance or conflict, people may break the usual rules of fair behavior.
How people use it
People often use it jokingly to excuse a sneaky move in a game, a contest or a romance: I know I hid your best cards, but all's fair in love and war. It can also be used critically, to point out that someone is using it as an excuse. The tone is informal and usually lighthearted. All's is short for all is. Few people mean it as a real rule; it is more often a playful justification or a wry comment on human nature.
Also said: all is fair in love and war.
Examples
- Maya traded her worst player for my best one and said all's fair in love and war.
- When Leo kept his secret ingredient from his rival in the chili contest, he shrugged and said all's fair in love and war.
- My brother bent the board game rules all weekend, insisting that all's fair in love and war.
Where it comes from
A similar idea appears in John Lyly's 1578 prose work Euphues, which suggests that the normal rules do not apply to love. Over the next centuries, love and war were often paired as areas where people bend the rules, and the familiar wording all's fair in love and war became common in the 1800s.
Check yourself
1. A friend makes a sneaky move in a board game and says, "All's fair in love and war." What does she mean?
Answer: Normal rules don't apply when competing. The saying jokingly excuses bending the rules in a competition.
2. What does all's mean in this saying?
Answer: All is. All's is a short form of all is.
Similar idioms
Word game fan? See every word hiding in FAIR.